I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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