So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
