Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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