After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
