i permit you to call me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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