She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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