so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
