garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
