So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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