I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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