the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
