woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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