my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
