Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
