someone threw a dead crab at me
i just had sex bonerless
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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