he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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