I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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