man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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