it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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