I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My dick has a subreddit
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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