My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
