I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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