i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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