Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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