you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
