I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
