Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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