you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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