If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
