I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
