So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
