At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he fucked my hip out of place.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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