After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
