i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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