Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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