wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
