It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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