I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize