I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
