I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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