I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
