I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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