my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
