Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
