I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
