I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im holly from the hills drunk
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
