She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
