The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
