I accidentally had phone sex last night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
