I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
