Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
