Only a mothe r could love this liver
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
