She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
