He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
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She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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