We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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