they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
