well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
