if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
