ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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