When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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