Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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