I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
