just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
dude. I can hear the air.
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