i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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