Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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