From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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