i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
