just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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