Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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