He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
