There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
