There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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